Master Awesomest Jumper

I've told this story to some people already, I just have to share it with everyone else and the Internet.

Back at University (several years ago!), I hung out with a bunch of Statistics students during my spares. We'd help each other out with our assignments, study together and play Big 2. There were a few couples in the group, among them were Ella and Udwig (their names changed to keep their identities protected). Anyway, E & U have been going out as long as anyone remembers and they were always together. You know, one of those relationships where it would be strange to see one without the other - they were tight. Anyway, after school finished, I lost touch with the entire stats crew. I'd occasionally see someone at some random place and get filled in on what everyone was doing and then not see or hear from anyone for several months.

Then came Facebook. After reluctantly signing up for the service, I was reconnected with the Stats crew. I got caught up on their lives for the last couple years. Udwig was doing his Masters in Architecture at the University of Alberta. Ella stuck it out in Winnipeg. They were still tight; Udwig's family fortunes afforded him to fly back almost every weekend during the year. Anyway, it turned out that Ella was one the bridesmaids of our other Stats friend (who lives in my building). They'd occasionally have wedding party meetings at the bride's place and then come over to my place to play video games. It was nice being part of the stats crew again.

In the fall of 2007, after finishing his schooling, Udwig proposed to Ella. I'm understating it here. They planned an intimate trip to Vegas to celebrate his graduation. What Ella didn't know was that Udwig invited all their close friends to join them. While Ella and Udwig were having dinner, their friends would come out of hiding and surprise Ella. Udwig then popped the big question. It was the most elaborate and romantic thing I've ever heard. I was happy for them.

The first time I saw E & U back in Winnipeg after hearing of their engagement was at our mutual friend's birthday. I congratulated Udwig but wasn't able to make much more conversation because other people were hogging him as they were excited to talk to him too.

Shortly after our brief encounter, I get this email from Udwig on October 7th:

Stop talking to Ella or replying to her emails or I will take you down (beat you up) the next time I see you.
And if I hear anything about this email from Ella, I will find you immediately that day to take you down.
I'm serious about this, you have no chance against me. You know how much I work out. Don't make me come look for you.
If you show up at my wedding, I will make sure my wedding will not start until you leave the room.

Since they were a close couple, I assumed they had access to each others accounts and thought this was Ella playing a joke on me. My reply on October 8th was:

I didn't want to be the one to break it to you but Ella is the one stalking me. She climbed up to my place from Eremy and Eslie's place one night and tried jumping into my bed. I told her it was inappropriate and that we shouldn't be friends anymore but she said she was going to kill herself if I stopped talking to her. I've only been talking to her so she doesn't get depressed. Can you really blame her though? Look at me, I'm the bomb!

On October 9th, I sent Ella an email. Nothing important, just chit chat. That night, I get this response sent from Ella's email:

I warned you Weichi. Don't expect to show up at my wedding.
You better hope you don't run into me. The next time you see me, I'm going to literally break your arm off.

The same evening, I get the following email from Udwig. I couldn't see the other recipients but it read:

Hello everyone,

The next time I see Weichi in public, I will physically beat him up to the best of my abilities and literally break his arm for disregarding my warning.

This person is not welcome to my wedding. For those of you who are helping out at the wedding and at the doors, please ensure that he does not enter any of the ceremony rooms. I will have my wedding come to a complete halt if I see him show up even if I am in the middle of my vows or a speech. Please inform me should this situation arise and have security immediately escort him off the premises.

Please keep this discussion amongst yourselves and do not discuss it with Ella.


Thanks,
Udwig Ee

Then a friend Facebooked me this:

hey.... is everything okay with u and udwig? i got a weird message from him...

Then another friend sent me this on October 11th:

Hey Weichi ...

I don't know what's going on, but Udwig is really mad at you.
I think it's best to stay away both Udwig and Ella for a while. Please keep this between you and me and don't tell Ella or anyone we know.
I don't like being caught in the middle of something like this ... but hopefully he'll cool over whatever's bugging him.

Ciao,
Obby

In the back of my mind I was thinking "Is Aston Kutcher punking me right now?". This is the most elaborate prank ever. Anyway, it wasn't very funny so I started to take it a bit more seriously. I sent Udwig this message on October 11th:

Hey Udwig, I don't know what is really going on but I think I should now take it seriously. I'm sorry. I thought it was a practical joke all along and have been treating it that way. I didn't think you were serious because there was no reason for you to be that way. It is true, I love Ella but in the way a person loves their sister. I respect you and would never think of crossing that line. Ella is a great person and I'm glad you found such a wonderful person to marry. I wish the both of you well.

Sincerely,
Weichi.

His response:

Ella is not your sister. That's ridiculous. You don't even know her. The closest brother Ella and I have is Hris Im who has known us for ages. He is a true friend and brother. He can truly say that he is our loving brother.
I will state once again, I am extremely serious. Do not talk to Ella or me again and if you ever see us in public, do not approach either of us.
Regardless of whether or not you receive an invitation, do not bother coming to our wedding. As you know already, I have made it public to everyone we know now. Even my friends who have not met you have now seen your picture. All eyes will be on the lookout in the hall. There will be no seat for you at any of the dining tables.

Wow, I didn't know what to do except to tell my friends. I wanted other people to know what happened in case my body was found in the Red or something horrible. Even though I couldn't truly believe this was for real, I was put on edge. I went to the Superstore by the University for the first time in a while and I was freaked out that some little Asian dude was going to jump out of the aisles and break my arms. Unfortunately for me, that Superstore has the most Asian customers than any other Superstore in Winnipeg.

All my friends were suggesting we crash their wedding to see what would happen. Anyway, they managed to keep their wedding date a secret from me. I only found out about it after seeing people's photos on Facebook. I guess he was serious.

I'm glad I still have my arms.